Essay #3

REMINDER TO ME

These are some areas I need to continue working on:

1.  titles (red)

2. making sure each sentence is totally clear and smooth (orange)

3. avoiding the kind of small mistakes that you should be able to catch (yellow)

4. using transitions to lead the reader from one big idea to the next (green)

5. making sure the last sentence in a paragraph is really interesting and memorable (aqua)

6. combining short sentences to make the writing smoother (blue)

Reaching out a Helping Hand:

An Essay About Helping Other Human Beings In My Life and in Of Mice and Men

An Essay by: Ashlyn Buffum

8th Grade English

Pine Point School

reaching out a helping hand

“Never look down on anybody unless you’re helping him up.” Jesse Jackson. The song “He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother” talks about helping others around us that are our family and other people you might not know. My life can compare to the lyrics of the song and  John Steinbeck’s novel Of Mice and Men contains characters that are similar to the lyrics. Both my life and the lives that George any Lennie lead in Of Mice and Men are filled with reaching out a helping hand to others.

Helping people when they are confused

TS: In my life I have helped people.SD: For example, when I was in the lower school I helped the extended day people with preschoolers by playing with them and watching them after school. CM: If one of the older kids had homework I would help them. CM: In addition, I would watch them if an adult wasn’t there. CM: I was sad when I was incapable of playing with them at extended day when I moved up into middle school. SD: In addition to helping people out of my grade, I also help my own classmates. CM: I sometimes help them with their homework when they get stuck on a problem they can’t figure out. CM: Also, on occasion when they were confused about something in school. For example, if they didn’t know where to go for some activitie I would be there to help.SD:Also, In 6th grade Mia and I helped everyone with there history journal for class. CM: Mia and I had all the dates for everything and so they all asked us for help. C:It was a very pleasing experience to help my classmates and other people during the past years and past few days in my life.
TS: In the book Of Mice and Men, George helped Lennie and Slim helped George. SD: One way that George helped Lennie was that he always made sure they had a job and food. SD: In Addition, George would tell Lennie stories about what would happen after they got enough money to buy their own farm. CM:The stories made Lennie have hope for the future and it also kept him content with his life. SD: George also killed Lennie with friendship so Lennie would not know fear. SD: Also, when George needed to talk to someone and Slim was their for him. CM: For example, Slim was also there when Lennie died to get George back on his feet. C: In Of Mice and Men George, Slim, and Lennie helped each other with achieving the rare goal they shared together.
Like what the Rachel’s Challenge people said “Reaching out your hand to others can change lives and how they view the world.” In the lives of George and Lennie everything was changed because of their friendship to each other. Also the Friendship that Slim and George had helped George make it through taking care of Lennie. In addition my life a helped the extended day care people and it felt great to help. If only more people would help each other without a price then the world would be a better place.


Self-assessment
1) I am continuing to work on my conclusion paragraph. Also, I must remember to make all important words in my titles are capitalized.

2) One possible strong point I see is that I tried something different for the concluding and introducing paragraphs. I used quotes to start of each paragraph.

3) one possible weak point is my last sentence for the introduction it is kind of boring and also some of my sentences are un clear to the reader. I can make my sentences smother by combing some of them and using transition words.